The Gravity of the Heart

Finding Agape in the Wild

We often grasp at love's simplest expressions: the fiery eros that keeps us up at night, or the steadfast philia shared with our closest companions. And then, there is Agape.

Strip away the dogma and Sunday school lessons, and agape isn't a pious, unreachable ideal. It is radical, unconditional, and deliberate goodwill. Although not always comfortable, agape is the decision to love the world because your internal compass refuses to point any other way. It is love as a verb. I remember a time when I stood at a crossroads, struggling with resentment toward a colleague who had wronged me. Instead of letting bitterness take hold, I consciously chose to show them kindness, even offering help with a project they struggled with. That messy moment, filled with inner conflict and ultimately marked by resolution, grounded my understanding of agape as an active choice. Similarly, imagine a moment in daily life: you're in line at a bustling grocery store, and the cashier is overwhelmed, multitasking with long queues and impatient customers. Choosing patience and offering a reassuring smile or a few kind words can transform their challenging day. It's in these ordinary exchanges that the profound nature of agape comes to life.

Examples of 'selfless-love-as-a-superpower' can be found in pop culture characters who prioritize the greater good over their own narratives. Pop culture matters because it reflects and shapes our collective consciousness, offering narratives that resonate deeply with personal growth and value formation. By drawing inspiration from these stories, we can better understand how to incorporate ideals like agape into our own lives.

• The Iron Giant: When the Giant says, "Superman," and flies toward the missile, he isn't just performing a nice gesture. He is actively overwriting his core programming. Created as a weapon of destruction, the Giant’s transformation into a protector is a powerful narrative about repurposing technology for care. This ideological shift from a tool of violence to an icon of peace and love sharpens the socio-political stakes of love. Agape, in this sense, is the ultimate act of free will.
• Samwise Gamgee: While The Lord of the Rings is full of epic battles, Sam’s devotion to Frodo—and to the memory of a world that is "good and worth fighting for"—is the ultimate secular Agape. He carries the weight because the weight needs carrying.
• Everything Everywhere All At Once: Waymond Wang’s plea—"Please, be kind. Especially when we don't know what's going on"—is the modern mantra for Agape. Before you read further, take a moment to pause and breathe, recalling a recent moment of confusion in your life. This will help you resonate with Waymond's message on a deeper level. It’s choosing empathy as a tactical necessity in a chaotic, uncaring multiverse.
• Ted Lasso: The "Lasso Way" is essentially a study in Agape. It’s the practice of offering someone the best version of yourself, even when they are actively offering you their worst.

The Mechanics of the Soul

Agape doesn't require a temple; it requires a threshold. It's the moment you stop asking, 'What does this person/place/thing do for me?' and start asking, 'How can I honor the life inherent in this?' In many ways, this echoes the principle of ahimsa in Hinduism, which emphasizes non-violence and respect for all living beings. Similarly, Buddhist metta encourages boundless loving-kindness. By drawing from these traditions, we see that the essence of love transcends any single religious or cultural boundary.

"Love is not a feeling. It's an ability." — Mitch, Dan in Real Life.

In that sense, it resembles a sort of spiritual physics. To practice agape is to exert a steady force (F) of kindness strong enough to meet the dense mass (m) of cynicism that often takes shape as relentless news doom-scroll or workplace sarcasm, and the velocity, or acceleration (a), of the chaos around us (F=ma). Consider a specific day at the office when tensions are high, and negativity feels palpable. Perhaps a teammate is struggling with a project, and the atmosphere is laced with anxiety. Here, applying a steady force of kindness—such as offering thoughtful feedback or acknowledging effort despite setbacks—can neutralize the negative mass and shift the day's trajectory, making the workplace atmosphere more positive and collaborative. By identifying these tangible forms of negativity, the metaphor becomes an invitation to counteract these forces with deliberate love.

Since we’ve established that agape is more about ability and identity than simply a fuzzy feeling, these prompts are designed to get you thinking about where you've flexed that 'moral muscle' in your life. Here are a few ways you might consider engaging with them:

- Journal: Take some quiet time to write down your thoughts and reflections on each prompt. This will help you explore your internal landscape and track your growth over time.

- Discuss: Use these prompts as starting points for meaningful conversations with friends or loved ones, deepening your understanding through shared insights.

- Meditate: Reflect on a prompt during meditation to internalize its message and find peace and clarity.

Over to You: The Agape Audit

If you’re feeling the "Lasso Way" today, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments:

• 1. Defining the Ability: If love is an ability and not just a feeling, what’s one way you’re "training" that muscle this week? Perhaps share an intended "program overwrite" for the coming days to further turn reflection into a communal commitment. By making public micro-pledges, we often sustain the heroic arc celebrated here.
• 2. The Unseen Weight: Samwise carried Frodo when the ring became too heavy. Who is someone in your life you support simply because "the weight needs carrying," even if there’s no "thank you" at the end of the road?
• 3. The Tactical Empathy: In the spirit of Waymond Wang, when has being "silly" or "kind" actually been your strongest weapon in a tough situation?
• 4. The "Superman" Moment: Is there a time you had to "overwrite your programming" (anger, cynicism, or even just laziness) to choose kindness instead? What was the catalyst?

Note: "The Lasso Way" is a philosophy of life popularized by the t.v. character Ted Lasso, focusing on kindness, empathy, and personal growth over winning. It promotes unconditional positive regard, fostering a supportive culture where people feel valued, respected, and empowered.